The Spaceman

I wrote this while listening to the music of Linkin Park, Roads Untravelled.
I find this song really beautiful and related to me. It gives me shivers ever time. :')

Can I just draw of what just happened?
Ya Allah, I'm crying. Tak tahu nak start mcm mana :') :')

What could I say about this?

Wow! When a friend told us about their past. We are considered lucky coz they can open it up and have courage to describe it patiently even it is a very painful story to be shared with anyone.

'Screwed up' from the chance of being excellent in our life. Walaupun dh mempunyai kehidupan yang baru. I don't know how he did survive but I do hope he'll be okay. While me, Alhamdulillah I found a way to not too regret and hating myself for my past. But when I shared about not being able to achieve my previous ambition. I can still feel the pain. I know it cannot be compared with anyone's that has more devastating life than me. But it is still hurt. 

However, what I am worried the most is what will happen if anyone of u did not realize that the most talented person, the happier person, the one we thought always has control over their mental health stability but actually struggling to fight on just to feel okay. I pray that he will never give up. And I believe he will because he is the spaceman. Thank you for making me believe that I can improve. I hope what you've learn from me even though I don't know whay it is could help you a little.

Ya Allah, give us both strength as he said orang2 yang ada potential macam kita ni tak mudah jalan hidupnya and mungkin Tuhan nak kita belajar lebih banyak dalam kehidupan berbanding org lain.

He looks positive about it, seems healed but excruciating isn't it my friend? So, I think I have no time anymore to acah-acah. I must strive hard to improve myself. To be more confident about myself.

Let the excellentness inside rise again and kali ni for Allah and the rest who needed it.

I cried again because his taste on musics is so exquisite.  Touching and reaching the heart of those who listen to it. He said yang dia terharu because a musical girl like me acknowledge his taste in music as a wonderful choice. Actually, I should thank him coz found many songs that I can relate with my life and can keep accompany me anywhere.

One of the songs inside the SERENE is 'About Today'. He said the song came from a film named 'Warrior' where his only  fav hollywood actor Tom Hardy starring . He said the song helped him during his depression years and yes Alhamdulillah that he is now in treatment.

Maybe because he is tentative, observant and artsy. He tend to think that he is alone but actually there will always people who sincerely and genuinely care about other people's life. Get well soon Buddy. The space need you huhu!

Found that he was also one of my bff's student at KY. And I told him that his lecturer, Aunty Anne, has terrible health condition and he was shocked too that I am related to his caring lecturer back then.
Mama also knew that I gave Aunty Anne's number phone.

I wanna write more but I'm so sleepy right now. Tbc.

Razanah at my house yeay!

Alhamdulillah. :D

Mikhael and his cuteness

Maisarah and her preparation for BM's presentation

Bahasa Melayu Klasik

SERENE is so sad :(

I was feeling blue and searching for a sad playlist that could make me cry. I found two by Spotify but suddenly felt to try hearing SERENE by Irfan Faiz and I did.

It was so said. Roads Untravelled by Linkin Park makes me cry, then the song from National titled About Today also brought tears to my heart. The songs in that playlist were magically touched my heart. It sooth me in some ways. Thanks. :'

Kelas BI with Icha

Kelas Sejarah with Amin

Alhamdulillah but quite nervous. Ajar someone for Sejarah SPM. My fav subject too :)

He seems clever and he has no problem in memorizing Sejarah's facts. So, I asked him why did he need a tutor. He said he had problem with KBAT's question. Lack of ideas to answer the question.

I nodded my head and start with going through all the chapter and also start doing KBAT's questions for 4 chapter from form 4. I will check the rest next week. He said his previous tutor was not compatible with his xurrent syllabus. Amin knews what he  needs and I am grateful for that.

May Allah ease his journey for his SPM. I'll pray the best for you.

I am quite sad

I guess my netball's team dah mula lupakan I :')

Dear knee, tak tahu nak cakap macam mana. Awak bila nak sembuh :')

Rindu sukanlaaaaaa :')

Alhamdulillah

Kelas tuition with a new student named Rafi. He was quite smart and the only problem he had was lack of reading. He wanna be a businessman or entrepreneur.
He got a right teacher tho haha

The one who inspires him is Garry what I still can't remember. But I believe he has a bright future InsyaAllah. I'm getting used now to teach and share what's inside my mind.

Made a video for my bestfriend. She is is sad because of something that happen. Somwtimes she's okay but most of the time she is sad. I made her to create Spotify account too. I hope she'll be fine
 She will.

Got a call from Maksu. Alhamdulillah that she is delightful being there with her husband. She also state that when we got married. Allah will put the special feelings and the sense of belonging to each other. It was different from before they were married. Uncle Mathias's family also being very understanding. Family picnic with halal food. Alhamdulillah Ya Allah for making this for maksu. May Allah bless her :')

Adik pulak was not in emotional stable. She lose someone that she loves and she is managing her life with busy working and entertain herself with her way. Maisarah on the other hand still playing with her game and sometimes she study. 

Do not be afraid Munirah. You got this.
:)

CONFESSION: New day means new beginning

Yes, I am in my excellent academic achievement during my secondary school. Unfortunately, I lost my pace through time. I don't know how does it happen. I am sure that I want to have the momentum back. However, I am more happy with my new personality. I've changed since 2014's incident.

I know that it is impossible to convince my old friends that I am no longer the Moon that was so childish and cannot control my anger. Attached with only certain people. My secondary school's life physically look so amusing but it is actually abusing me and my heart did not get the help that it needs. That time I was so arrogant and always look down to others. If my old friends are reading this, I am truly sorry for what I've done. I wish I could turn back times and .....

But, if I were not doing the reckless mistakes back then, would I be the one who regrets and learn from the mistakes? Sometimes, I feel like I wanna die because I am so angry with what happen in my past. Blaming myself but Allah wanted us to succeed. HE always wanna see us succeed.

Ever since Kh said that  I like to use people, play sympathy, manipulate people ................
I am so afraid to make any step to move forward. I became so scared to even in approaching and seeking advice from other people.

Ever since Mz choose to hide the truth and let me take all the blame from his gf, I became more scared to even start a conversation with strangers as well as making new friends.

When I am scared, I am panic, when I'm panic, I tend to not doing anything but to sleep and calming my feelings and all the things that people had done or what I've did that they decide to act like that towards me, it makes me sick and tired. I cannot simply share this with anyone. I am the anchor of my family. Also in my degree life, I nearly putting myself at the edge of a very problematic crisis. Luckily, with some advises. I manage to quit dengan berat hati but I had to let it go.

When, I lose many things and forgot Allah, I waste my times mostly with tears during night. Crying myself to sleep. Regardless, I still have to keep my positives vibes around others because it is for the sake of people to think that I am capable to run small business and share the good values with others.
Even though I am not perfect yet but I passionately share what could benefits my friends and others. But, when I am in excruciating hard times and thinking about it so much, I couldn't help and losing my confidence to do anything.

This struggles however, I am still on it and fight it slowly and fiercely. Cikgu Khalillah and Kak Ira were my savior sent by Allah for me to keep walking and do something for my future. I may lose many friends for the next year but I may had did keep the one who truly care about me close.

I am so thankful for that Ya Allah. All the relatives wondering about my future. It is because I keep changing it since 2012, started from Diploma in Accountancy, Diploma in Medical Assistant, Foundation in Sciences and Technology and I am closely to be one of the MBBS's graduates.
Allah plans is not what I've plan. I ended up doing Diploma in Islamic Studies with scholarship and now doing Islamic Finance.

Potential. I can do many things but not a pro for everything yet. I hope that one day, all the people in my past could forgive me. While I will continue surviving for me and my family. Not to forget my talents in musics. I manage to have class and pay it myself. It is for my satisfaction. Entertaining myself and my beloved ones.

For now, I cannot move around much coz my knee is not in well yet. Today, I will start another new list. New day means new beginning. :) InsyaAllah.

Mikhael with his new life

So do I, little man.

Mama is so angry with him today because he carelessly doing an unapologetic things regarding his hygienic matter.  I cannot explain and describe it here because he is 10 years old and all the punishments that given by the mother is for your own sake my dear. Why and why you use the curtains to wipe the mess o_o . You are so helpless when mama is mad and very angry. I'm sorry couldn't help. I believe that one day you are going to remember that moment when yeah, everyone is really shocked of what you did my dear. I'm glad that you confess. I know honesty is the best policy but it also can harm you too Mikhael. Yes, with us, please be true but kalau nak selamat kat luar sana, I pray that you'll be a licik guy too.

Ya Allah please strength my heart and to take care of my siblings .....

Me

Today, I try to recognize the process of when did I decide that I am not okay.

First, I got all the things or a list of what I have to do. It is many. After meeting or find about where I have to start. I'm scared. When I'm scared, I do not want to move. I want to stay still and doing nothing. When I'm scared, I forgot to believe. When I stop believing. My heart breaks as I felt useless.

But, Alhamdulillah, Allah The Most Loving gives me an inspiration to do not stay at the 'scared and useless phase.' Work it out. But do not stop believe in myself. Think about Allah so that I can carry on.  When I think about to stop and exclude myself from people, I must bare in mind to have faith in Allah. Stop being a paranoid to my own self. Pray and work it out. Tawakkal.

Thank you Allah. For always here. Taking care of me. I love you. 

Rain and I'm reading

Well, my tutor said that .. lack of reading results in poor language skills.. :/

Here the list of what I read just now.

The articles mostly came from mindbodygreen.com

1. Bee is in danger hahaha.

The @wholesfood instagram account held a campaign for bee. It is because, last year, the bees was added to the endangered species list for the first time! They think the main reason is because of the large-scale of using pesticide. Sad.

2. Is it okay if your kids playing alone?

Yeah. It is okay but make sure that they can reach you when they needed you. They might be growing up as introvert person but maybe they just need a little me time. Macam kitalah.

3. tbc

Raya Kelapan and cheering for UBIS Netball team.

All the best Ika and the rest. I wish I could join all of you there.
My injury belum baik. and I don't know bila nak pergi Orthopedic. My cousins said that it's probably the common sports injury kat bahagian lutut and hopefully not needing a surgery.

I still praying like this because it is painful to standing up after position duduk. Ya Allah, let them kekalkan kejuaraan kat MIAT.

Ya Allah, thank you for everything.

Kak Ira dah kembali calling for appointment. Jumpa for training. I have to brush up my social skills nampaknya sebab lepas ni gonna deal with many people.

Icha, already in KL and will having me this Sunday for her English class. This little girl is really a clever and the a smart one. Her pronunciation probably better than me. I am just a little help for her in order to obtain A for her English paper. I need to prepare for tomorrow.

Raya Ketujuh and Spotify

I cried. Haha. Finding a real friend nowadays is challenging. If you still have them you are lucky. If you have them but they betray you then it is no longer consider a best friendship and it might turn it to a stranger.

Irfan however asking for my Spotify account which I do not have idea that it has following and followed functions. We can also see what's song that our friend was listening.

We can tell a lot about a person by looking at their playlist and that is actually scare me a little bit.
I hope Irfan tak fikir terlalu banyak about my songs preferences sebab kebanyakannya .... it is in a sad mode.

Also, I made a new one because I do not like my full name displayed at the Spotify and it was funny sebab I macam noob and memang noob pon kat Spotify.

Enjoying the Spotify and I got a friend who shares his exquisite taste in his songs too. Yeay!

Thank you Allah. This is fun! Haha. If you guys had one, sharelah dengan I okay :D  

Raya keenam and bergambar di tempat kerja adik.

Raya Kelima

Selasa with adik is the best. Adik is my muse. She is cute and funny. She is also a person that I always look up and talk about our life. She is an amazing person and I pray that she will be with someone who will never betray her. Someone who loves her passionately. She deserves that.

It's gonna take a longer time juga for me to forget the one who treat her bad. Go away. Go.

Okay, raya kelima, it was a swimming learning sessions for Mikhael.
Me, adik and Mikhael was in a pool for about 2 hours and swim like baby fishes yang baru nak belajar berenang tu haha. It was fun because Mikhael bravely let his pelampung and selam dalam air for many times. I am proud and grateful as well. Thank you Allah.
I am so happy when he confidently holding his breath and go deep down into the water and macam a normal swimmer lah haha. He can do it.

I was so sleepy after that and when we arrived home. I terus lay down. haha maybe sebab tak cukup oksigen. Maybe I am so tired because of the never ending journey and swimming activity.

Ya Allah, I am so grateful with my family. I am blessed. We are not super rich but I am happy that we can still be together, be there for each other and had enough food and everything. Alhamdulillah.

Ya Allah, jadikanlah kami, orang-orang yang bersyukur. 

Raya Keempat

Raya keempat memang beraya dalam kereta sebab dari KL ke Ipoh lalu Jalan Cameron Highland untuk ke Kuala Lumpur.

Pak Ngah Azahari as usual suka sangat dengan ayam spicy Mcd yang ayah belikan. But his health is not as good as before. Ayah said it was the side effects from his medication. Pak Ngah is 63 years old this year. Nak dekat sebaya dengan Malaysia.

This journey is a very important to me as I am fighting my kesian for orang and choose to be kejam a little bit and selamat jalan untuk orang-orang yang telah detected as a very toxical person. Haaa ambek kau.

Okay. Biar sampai situ je. I am not angry anymore but to trust a person like that, emmm, it's gonna take masa yang pangjang gila-gila.

Then, naik ke Cameron wow, I was looking forward for my strawberries and ubi rebus yang manis-manis tu. The temperature was cooler lah of coz dari KL. I wish I can stay there untuk lebih lama haha. But, singgah kejap je. I did found my sweet potatoes and strawberries with mama. While ayah patiently driving for us sampailah ke KL.
It is easy to let go. yang susahnya, to fight regrets je. But, what for. Walk away from people who never care about your well being. I mean, it is not that I asingkan diri dari kawan-kawan yang busy dengan life diorang.

Busy dengan kehidupan masing-masing berbeza dengan busy nak tengok kita tak dapat apa yang kita perlukan. Semoga Allah jauhkan kita dari menjadi orang seperti itu. Seriknya.

But yeah, they deserve it. Cukuplah selama ini.  Hati ini masih terluka and may Allah fix it InsyaAllah.

REMEMBER, apabila terbau bahaya di hadapan. Cuba untuk elak. :)

Take care.

Raya Ketiga with geng kesayangan

Walaupun di dapur dengan Mak Tam but Syafiq and Shahir datang haha. Tahu, they were not as excited as I am coz yelah, they got kampung at Melaka and got their boys and girls cousins kat sana haha but .. to me they were my precious childhood.

Happy that both of them membesar menjadi orang yang disegani.
Always rasa kecil bila lepak dengan diorang.

Nenek, 82 years old if I was not mistaken. Terlantar at katil and tak boleh bercakap dah. Keadaan dah seperti bayi yang tidak berdosa. (:

Ayah kepenatan drive and tidur sebelah mak dia. Ayah, dia tak banyak cakap. I mean that he is an actual a silence people. Bercakap bila perlu and it is very contradict with me haha. But Ayah's gesture always win orang sekeliling. Expressing how much he cares and appreciates us. Lovely!

Paklang pula yang always garang sebab dia polis. Haha. He is always my idol of being clever, successful and garang.

Maisarah and Maryam pulak happy sebab dapat reunite dengan sepupu kesayangan diorang. Geng main gamelah katakan. They look so happy and my mom pulak  mengawasi I kat dapur and membocorkan almost 80% of my kegagalan of controlling the dapur kat rumah sendiri kepada Mak Tam. Helpless. Senyap jelah aku hahaha. Mak Tam pulak flashback her love story sebelum Pak Tam masuk meminang dia. Percintaan zaman dulu2 main lambai2 tangan je 5 minit. Tulis2 surat. Hahaha.
Mak Tam also paling kelakar masa ambik gambar.

As Mak Tam is a teacher kat sekolah, kitorang pun jadi murid dia time bergambar tu haha. SATU, DUAAA, TIGAA. Haha dengan gaya 1 Malaysia lah, Dap yang tak jadi sebab tak syariah compliance, last2 buat tunjuk thumbs up ke apa entah.
Rindu semua orang :')

Unfortunately, adik tak ikut sebab kerja. However, Raya Keempat kita plan pergi Ipoh pulak  haha. Nak jenguk Pak Ngah Azahari.

Till then.

A friend,his playlist for my Raya and

Do you remember about my friend Irfan? The genius one but felt he has a lonely life?
He got a very good taste of music too.. not tooo mention his interest for arts, dia pernah pakai dp from his own karya.

Baru-baru ni, he shared his playlist on his stories, the 1st one is Game Changer and the 2nd one is Nebular.

I spend my time yesterday and listened to them. Game Changer was cool but Nebular bring me to somewhere that I still can't  figure it where.

I told Irfan that I really like the Nebular one and he's flattered maybe because someone likes his playlist.  I should thank you Irfan.
Your talents is yes one of the best thing that I've had discovered in my life but having a friend who can really talk and consider me as one of ur listener that you can trust is the thing. I'm grateful for that Ya Allah.
He even shared his dreams that okay, let me kept it as secret and pray that he can still go for that. May Allah ease and I hope you don't give up.

To be honest, this eid is not like the previous eid. . I should be grateful.. It is just my longing for someone who can't be and do not want to be with me anymore .. It makes me sad, I know why. I'm a fool. I tried to reach him without asking help from anyone and I failed.

It's okay. It's fine. Hey, I got new playlist right, a family, a place where I can lay myself at, friends whom I considered home and Icha, my UPSR's student.

I got very caring cousins, bestfriends, boss, khanqah and I got a keyboard too.

I'll be fine. This war in my head Ya Allah, I beg that you let me win it. . InsyaAllah.

Alhamdulillah it is 1st Syawal!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.
Terima kasih Allah, dalam keadaan aku sihat dan selamat bersama keluarga. Engkau kurniakan sebuah Syawal yang sederhana. Aku sebenarnya tidaklah terlalu gembira dengan pemergian Ramadhan. Aku merasakan bahawasl Ramadhan ku sebelum ini adalah lebih bernyawa berbanding kali ini. Semoga Engkau ampun segala dosa aku Ya Allah.

Mak Uda sekeluarga datang :) Dapat duit raya :) Mama paling happy sebab dapat buat kuah kacang. Foods? Raya ni complete sangat. Mama masak almost all Raya dishes. I am amazed by semangat raya mama.  Sorry if not being so much of your help but I helped at least haha. Mama I love you.

While Adik terpaksa kerja on the first eid kat Secret Recipe. Well, siap2 cantik2 and berbaju Raya, beraya kat sana.  Adik, kita sama-sama tak kuat dan mengharap pinjamaman kekuatan dari Allah. Kakak doakan adik tabah menghadapi semua ni.
I'm  sorry sebab tak jadi Kakak yang baik in your life.

Kakak still trying to clean my mess and at the same time being the good eldest. Mending my broken pieces and at the same time moving to what is the best for me.
I hope,  just one thing. I can die bila hutang Mara and Ptptn Settle. . Etc.. Moga Allah Redha dan kabulkan.  I love you..

I miss Him and his messenger. Till then. 

Eddy at Sabah yeay

Lepas jawab paper Takaful tu, bergegas ke tempat kerja adik and nampaklah dia baru duduk kat tempat cashier tu..

with all her cakes hahaha..

then, baliklah rumah and teringat Farah cerita pasal Eddy.

I was like, exam pun dah habis.. maybe.. aku call lah dia.. tp tak berani pun haha.. sempat missed called je..

and dia pun call back Alhamdulillah sempar catch up sikit je..

Raya ni baru dia balik KL. Itupun sekejap je. Selamat bekerjalah kat sana and take care..

Nanti mesti jumpa wanita-wanita Filipina yang cun cun dan baik hati.. InsyaAllah Aminn..

Semoga berjaya selalu!

Takaful January 2018 - June Final Goodbye

Alhamdulillah, apa yang aku ulangkaji, semuanya masuk.. harap kawan-kawan aku boleh jawab juga coz dah prepare discuss pasal past year and etc..

Periksa sebelah Yosh.. Dia baru je kehilangan mama dia.. hope dia tabah..

A day before exam takaful tu, aku, farah and nadia yasmin belajar takaful sama-sama.

Geng belajar tiga orang yang sangatlah efektif haha. Entah macam mana nak survive lepas ni tanpa diorang. Sedih pulaklah.

Kebbei dengan tak habis-habis tanya apa yang masuk, apa yang tak masuk. Hahaha.

Farhan dengan tak cukup past year 2016, suruh buat 2017 pulak.. Haha

Masa periksa tu, Shammir duk depan aku, striking gila warna kuning sweater dia hahaha.. dahlah sebaris dengan Aiman y berbaju merah menyala hahaha.. Aku perhati je diorang duk senyum-senyum sesama diorang hahaha.. dahlah sorang timur.. sorang barat.. nasib baik memang kena senyap dalam kelas tu.. haha

Cepat juga.klah aku habiskan jawab exam tu.. dah tak sabar nak bangun.. haha.. nampak Farah Nadiah kemas-kemas .. aku pun siap-siap nak terus bangun..

and before exam tu, Irfan sempat wish good luck and Zana pulak baru je merdeka haha.. Happylah dia nak balik JB ngn mama dia.. Amalina Halim pula warded sebab dah nak beranak dah..

Alhamdulillah.. May Allah ease everything for them...

Mama, Serunding, Khael dan Biskut Tart Nenas for Zana

while I am still with Fiqh Muamalat's notes.. 

Isnin untuk Business Law

I never thought that I will revise this subject happily. Maybe I am so good with history, law or maybe I like them. Haha. I realized that I love the part of saying under this.. this.. this.. or.. provisions of section 4 of bla bla bla hhahaha.

I arrived at the campus around 7.30 am and waiting for Athirah to lend me some acts for my Business Law. Along with Athirah, of course her two bodyguard always around Azhar and Mansor. While they are studying their Strategic Management, I am reading my Business Law.

Actually, I have a little problem. I do not have the Companies Act and has to look around for the act..
Unfortunately, the bookshop down there are not opened yet because Abang Mi is late. However, I manage to get it at Jalan Tar .. Alhamdulillah, Pustaka Mukmin has opened and I can now doing more with that act haha.

Then, bumped into Badrul and we study together for the Business Law. Later then, Rahman join us.
Because we are making some noises while memorizing, the Kakak Pustaka a bit angry and she.. she Ssssh everyone and ... we laughed and giggled... oh no.. sorry kakak.. hehe..
Then, Badrul immediately asking us to get out from the library and go to the study lounge and I gather around with Badrul's gang AGAIN. Macam last semester. They are so well prepared and sangat suka study punya orang. I am so lucky to have them. The discussion about the case also was a little bit intense. Khai do not has a good mood, Rahman was still clueless, Najib then came and read Afiq's tips.

Before enter the examination hall, Iman also with Danial were outside and discussing something with our clueless Rahman hahaha.
Iman's sit is beside me. He also sempat to borrow my companies act. hahaha.

Maisarah pulak, Mas is helping me to book Grab for her coz I am in the middle of the exam.

Hakimah also should come to give my biscuits. But she could not manage it because, she was busy with her intern report... I will always  pray the best for you Hakimah.. do not give up my love.

So, Badrul did not get the biscuits but InsyaAllah I will give him tomorrow. Wednesday.


Berbuka puasa today with Zana. We had discussions on how to be more educated and prepared for the reality and industry after this. Unbelievable, we are now 24 years old. She also fall for Nur drama. It was so full of pengajaran and sedih ;')  Zana akan convo tahun ni yeayyyy!

InsyaAllah next year, I'll be graduating.

Hopefully, my graduation serentak dengan gang Principle of Management haha.

Till then,

Business Law

Sir Zawawi,
you are old, rock and macam the beatles punya penyanyi..

Sincerely,
me.

Just shut up and read

while viewing my friend's story, found this and by all means .. I am reading right now haha

17 Ramadhan

Alhamdulillah. Esok dah 18 Ramadhan :)

Painful

my knee is secretly crying.. as I started to pray normaly,  coz I thought dia dah sembuh.. unfortunately, when I use my knee like before I injured.. I'm sorry that tiba2 ..you could feel that one of your urat under your knee is bengkak and berdenyut2..

Muka susah nak senyum sebab sakit but kalau tak senyum.. mcm mana nak cari rezeki kan? :')

Sabar ye!!!!!!


Please hang on until I finished my exams.

*slowly comforting my heart to slowly keep doing whatever I need to do to become better


If nobody couldn't  understand you, be strong and be patience