Yes, I am in my excellent academic achievement during my secondary school. Unfortunately, I lost my pace through time. I don't know how does it happen. I am sure that I want to have the momentum back. However, I am more happy with my new personality. I've changed since 2014's incident.
I know that it is impossible to convince my old friends that I am no longer the Moon that was so childish and cannot control my anger. Attached with only certain people. My secondary school's life physically look so amusing but it is actually abusing me and my heart did not get the help that it needs. That time I was so arrogant and always look down to others. If my old friends are reading this, I am truly sorry for what I've done. I wish I could turn back times and .....
But, if I were not doing the reckless mistakes back then, would I be the one who regrets and learn from the mistakes? Sometimes, I feel like I wanna die because I am so angry with what happen in my past. Blaming myself but Allah wanted us to succeed. HE always wanna see us succeed.
Ever since Kh said that I like to use people, play sympathy, manipulate people ................
I am so afraid to make any step to move forward. I became so scared to even in approaching and seeking advice from other people.
Ever since Mz choose to hide the truth and let me take all the blame from his gf, I became more scared to even start a conversation with strangers as well as making new friends.
When I am scared, I am panic, when I'm panic, I tend to not doing anything but to sleep and calming my feelings and all the things that people had done or what I've did that they decide to act like that towards me, it makes me sick and tired. I cannot simply share this with anyone. I am the anchor of my family. Also in my degree life, I nearly putting myself at the edge of a very problematic crisis. Luckily, with some advises. I manage to quit dengan berat hati but I had to let it go.
When, I lose many things and forgot Allah, I waste my times mostly with tears during night. Crying myself to sleep. Regardless, I still have to keep my positives vibes around others because it is for the sake of people to think that I am capable to run small business and share the good values with others.
Even though I am not perfect yet but I passionately share what could benefits my friends and others. But, when I am in excruciating hard times and thinking about it so much, I couldn't help and losing my confidence to do anything.
This struggles however, I am still on it and fight it slowly and fiercely. Cikgu Khalillah and Kak Ira were my savior sent by Allah for me to keep walking and do something for my future. I may lose many friends for the next year but I may had did keep the one who truly care about me close.
I am so thankful for that Ya Allah. All the relatives wondering about my future. It is because I keep changing it since 2012, started from Diploma in Accountancy, Diploma in Medical Assistant, Foundation in Sciences and Technology and I am closely to be one of the MBBS's graduates.
Allah plans is not what I've plan. I ended up doing Diploma in Islamic Studies with scholarship and now doing Islamic Finance.
Potential. I can do many things but not a pro for everything yet. I hope that one day, all the people in my past could forgive me. While I will continue surviving for me and my family. Not to forget my talents in musics. I manage to have class and pay it myself. It is for my satisfaction. Entertaining myself and my beloved ones.
For now, I cannot move around much coz my knee is not in well yet. Today, I will start another new list. New day means new beginning. :) InsyaAllah.
I know that it is impossible to convince my old friends that I am no longer the Moon that was so childish and cannot control my anger. Attached with only certain people. My secondary school's life physically look so amusing but it is actually abusing me and my heart did not get the help that it needs. That time I was so arrogant and always look down to others. If my old friends are reading this, I am truly sorry for what I've done. I wish I could turn back times and .....
But, if I were not doing the reckless mistakes back then, would I be the one who regrets and learn from the mistakes? Sometimes, I feel like I wanna die because I am so angry with what happen in my past. Blaming myself but Allah wanted us to succeed. HE always wanna see us succeed.
Ever since Kh said that I like to use people, play sympathy, manipulate people ................
I am so afraid to make any step to move forward. I became so scared to even in approaching and seeking advice from other people.
Ever since Mz choose to hide the truth and let me take all the blame from his gf, I became more scared to even start a conversation with strangers as well as making new friends.
When I am scared, I am panic, when I'm panic, I tend to not doing anything but to sleep and calming my feelings and all the things that people had done or what I've did that they decide to act like that towards me, it makes me sick and tired. I cannot simply share this with anyone. I am the anchor of my family. Also in my degree life, I nearly putting myself at the edge of a very problematic crisis. Luckily, with some advises. I manage to quit dengan berat hati but I had to let it go.
When, I lose many things and forgot Allah, I waste my times mostly with tears during night. Crying myself to sleep. Regardless, I still have to keep my positives vibes around others because it is for the sake of people to think that I am capable to run small business and share the good values with others.
Even though I am not perfect yet but I passionately share what could benefits my friends and others. But, when I am in excruciating hard times and thinking about it so much, I couldn't help and losing my confidence to do anything.
This struggles however, I am still on it and fight it slowly and fiercely. Cikgu Khalillah and Kak Ira were my savior sent by Allah for me to keep walking and do something for my future. I may lose many friends for the next year but I may had did keep the one who truly care about me close.
I am so thankful for that Ya Allah. All the relatives wondering about my future. It is because I keep changing it since 2012, started from Diploma in Accountancy, Diploma in Medical Assistant, Foundation in Sciences and Technology and I am closely to be one of the MBBS's graduates.
Allah plans is not what I've plan. I ended up doing Diploma in Islamic Studies with scholarship and now doing Islamic Finance.
Potential. I can do many things but not a pro for everything yet. I hope that one day, all the people in my past could forgive me. While I will continue surviving for me and my family. Not to forget my talents in musics. I manage to have class and pay it myself. It is for my satisfaction. Entertaining myself and my beloved ones.
For now, I cannot move around much coz my knee is not in well yet. Today, I will start another new list. New day means new beginning. :) InsyaAllah.